That's exactly what I said to Jose from Joe Mama as he was lifting my new bike into my car. There was concern that it, and Molly, would not both fit. But it worked out. Things always do.
I don't even remember when, but some time ago I signed up as part of The Happiness Project
. I just got an email reminding me about it today. Then later as I was browsing my feeds I saw that Andrea over at The Fishbowl had made a related post about her 12 commandments
This is just what I need in my life right now. We are about to move and welcome a new baby and I'm about to turn 30 and I've been looking at the next 4 months as a cleansing period. I hope to come out of it more myself and clear on what I want and how to get it and how to sit comfortably within that.
So what's the idea here?
You make a list of "Commandments" for yourself. They are meant to be daily reminders to guide you in your interactions and help you have a happy fulfilling life. Not a "to-do" list or a "do not do" list per-se.
Here's what I've come up with so far:
- bring joy
- don't keep score
- do things that matter
- go outside
- be present
- be positive within negative interactions
- be tidy
- pay attention to synchronicities
- fight for what is right
What's on your list?
On this day:In 2009
- I still love piano in modern music. Anything new I should be aware of?
In 2008 -
In 2007 - In 2006
- recapping parts of our weddingIn 2005
- dangerous mistakes
From now on, I want to take every Wednesday off of work. It makes the week go like this:
Monday, Friday, Mini weekend. Monday, Friday, Regular weekend. LOVE IT.
So we lazed about the house Wednesday morning. We skipped breakfast to save lots of room for lunch. We went tot he market about an hour before lunch time to wander around and I saw a coffee table that I have been in love with for YEARS (the Noguchi Table if you want to google it). It's a classic and it was on sale for half price.
I have some back pay coming my way by the end of January so Brent put down the down payment and I'll pay off the rest when it arrives (which is supposed to be the end of January. Is that fate or what???) That alone put me in a
We had a wonderful LONG lunch and then went to go see the hospital lottery prize home. I don't know, it doesn't sound as super as it was... I totally took days like that for granted before I had released my spawn.
So then a couple of days went by and we come to today. Today Brent took Bobby out for a few hours. They were to go to the dino museum but it's still closed until next week (at which time they will return) and I took that time to do some painting. It was ALSO awesome.
The thing I value most in my life (other than those I love) is TIME. Time with no demands on my person.
What do you value most?
On this day:
In 2008 - In 2007
- The Cosby Show - A Black Comedy
In 2006 - In 2005
- I never did this
Is it weird that my only regrets involve STUFF?
- I regret not taking all the paintings I gave to my ex back
- I regret giving away my drafting table
- I regret not keeping any mementos from my childhood
I put stuff in my compost bin today and it was full of bees! Brent says they are wasps. I don't know the difference. Ok a quick google search leads me to believe that I am correct and that they are bees.
On to the bee story. So I opened the lid to the compost and started dumping stuff in. Mid-dump I look in and notice a shit load of bees pigging out on some cantaloupe rinds and I just dumped stuff on them!!!
So they all started darting around all angry and such and I ran away and waited until they calmed down so I could put the lid back on.
Ummm... what the fuck am I supposed to do now? I'm terrified to use my compost but I know they've been going in there for at least the past 3 days since we've seen an unusually large amount of bees in that part of the yard. Will they just go away once all the cantaloupe is gone? Are the bees avoiding pollinating my zucchinis because they are distracted by the compost? Do bees even pollinate zucchini???
SO MANY QUESTIONS!
I've only been back to work a month and a half and I only have 2 days left before vacation. I'm pretty excited. I haven't written about this before but I'm pulling Bobby out of his current daycare (for a multitude of reasons which I'm not getting into because it will get long and angry) and sending him to a new day care. The new day care is a home based day care and the woman running it is in Finland until the end of August so I'm taking my vacation and pulling Bobby out of day care after the first few days of vacation so that we can save 2 weeks of fees.
Things planned for my vacation time:
- cooking day with naughty_bride
- a trip to the Toronto zoo
- maybe a trip to a friend's cottage (waiting for details from Brent on this)
- maximizing outdoor time (picnics, parks, backyard play, stroller walks etc)
- doggy play dates at naughty_bride 's
Toddlers and Tiaras is a fucking creepy show
On this day:
In 2008 -
In 2007 - In 2006
- shmapped!In 2005
- I love holes
A White Bear has a really great post up right here
asking some pretty interesting questions. I'm re-posting them here but you should really go over there to check out the comments. Let me know what you think too though! I'll put my own answers at the bottom.
When you get through a day, a week, or a year, and you evaluate it, what are the first terms by which you decide whether it was “good” or not?
1. Is your evaluation based primarily on:
(a) things that happened to you through little credit or blame of your own?
(b) things that you did that you were proud or ashamed of, regardless of their outcome?
(c) reactions from others to things you did, or things that happened to you?
2. When you consider how you have changed over a specific period of time, what aspects of yourself are important? (Rank those that apply to you.)
(a) temperament/psychological stability
(b) achievements in education, career, or hobbies
(c) relationships with family and/or friends
(d) romantic/sexual successes or failures
(e) spiritual awareness or religious practice
(f) moral/ethical development
(g) change in financial stability
(i) engagement in culture and the arts
(j) physical health and well-being
(k) travel/purchases made
3. How do you know if you’re using the time you have while you are alive in a satisfactory manner? (Rank those that apply to you.)
(a) I get happier
(b) I am better-liked
(c) I am more successful
(d) I feel more attractive
(e) I become wiser
(f) I am calmer
(g) I am kinder to others
(h) I get smarter
(i) I get physically healthier
(j) I have a better relationship with God/gods/the spiritual
(k) I am more careful with the environment
(l) I am more involved in political causes
4. How have your priorities regarding the above questions changed from your expectations of life when you were a child?
2- f, j, c, d, e
3- e, g, i, k – I was tempted to choose a as well but I think, looking back on it, that’s I’m generally consistently happy, or at least as happy as I can be given my life situation at the moment.
4- I think my expectations of life as a child were pretty much the same as they are now. Maybe as a child they were a little more idyllic. As a child I thought racism and sexism no longer existed and I’ve really only started to recognize it in my life in the past 5 years. I think though, that I’m more let down by the world I’ve grown into then what has become of me as I age.
As a child my idea of a good life was to be financially and emotionally independant. I’ve relaxed on that to the point where I want to share my life with others and that I’ve taken a year off to raise my child (going back to work next month) but it’s very important to be to be my own best support system and advocate.
On this day:
In 2008 - about my nudity
In 2007 - awww I REALLY want some drums. I haven't played in over a year.
In 2006 - a voice post I made.
In 2005 - I feel bad for that fish now :( I threw it back... with a hole in it's face.
I don't wear make up anymore.
I never REALLY did wear much anyhow. In the last year of working I only wore mascara and chapstick and before that, you could only add a touch of eyeshadow to the list.
My freckles always kept me from foundation and blush just seems ridiculous to me... well... so does foundation.
My point is, I look wicked without it so why bother.
And I'm not saying that to be all "I'm so much better looking than people who wear makeup" No one NEEDS it... it's so ridiculous that some people can't bear the thought of not wearing makeup every single day, or if they will be SEEN by someone. Why are you so ashamed of yourself? It's unnecessary!
I do like to wear some now and then, so by no means am I a hater, I just don't get why it's some kind of requirement.
On this day:
- I went to a show where a guy got really inappropriate, but I posted about it the next day.In 2006
- Locked to protect the innocentIn 2005
- My neck was so skinny!!!! And I almost got smashed by a car running a red light but fate saved my life... for real...
All my work emails automatically end with my full name and contact info - correctly spelled.
When people reply to me and address me by something other than my name, I get twitchy. Just copy and paste it! Whatever, so the I purposely misspell their name in my response. It's very fun, especially when they have very simple names.
I had a bit of a back and forth with someone today and I had to misspell their name 3 different ways! It was a challenge. Then we ran into each other and I was addressed as Tina, then I said "Teee Anne Ah" and was just stared at. OK!
I am so sleepy and I dream of laying in a stringy hammock under some shady trees by some water on a sunny day. I'd like to have a lemonade and a book and just drift in and out of sleep while I sway in the breeze. If only my cottage wasn't 8 hours away!
On this day:
I've never written a danged thing.
I started out today pretty excited.
- I put on yoga pants to come to work.
- I ate my yummy breakfast while my computer started up.
- I browsed through the new stuff going on in Facebook land
- I was about to read an awesome new post by my favorite Vancouver Blogger (is it too far reaching to say it was someone I considered a friend?)
Then I crashed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to end it. I will never pretend to understand the mental anguish she experiences on a daily basis and all I can say is that I hope for her sake and for the sake of those that love her that she will pull through.
On this day:In 2006
- I made cabbage rolls - does anyone have a vegetarian recipe?In 2005
- Pure happiness
It's something I did back in high school. I started dating a guy and slowly started turning myself into who I thought he wanted me to be. I didn't think about it at all. I took on his characteristics and interests.
I think it's something many young women do. Maybe men too, but I wouldn't really know about that. A good partner though, doesn't expect to be the center of the other's being.
In my case, my boyfriend wanted me to become his ideal instead of simply finding a woman who was his ideal. He had some issues I suppose.
Eventually I kind of 'came to' and felt trapped in a false life. I found relief at college because I could just be my true self in class. He found a way to infiltrate that and would show up when I had time off between classes and stuff. But my point is not him, my point is me.
His controlling tendencies aside, why did I slip into this alter-persona? Is it just a side-effect of being youthful and searching for one's self? Not knowing how to define yourself and thus defining yourself by a relationship?
With so much stuff going on in life, is it really realistic to think that your partner will constantly be the number one thing on your mind and that everything must relate back to that person?
I think not.
So after I left this high school relationship turn adult relationship that carried on far too long, I decided never to change who I am to suit someone else. This does not mean I do not compromise on anything. It means I am not ashamed to do the things I like, to vocalize my opinions, to demand to be treated in the way I expect, to have the kind of friends I want. My partner does not have to think the same way as me on these things, but needs to accept my views as being valid and being my own.
That is what I have now.
I still know women who, wittingly or not, define themselves by their partners. What I do know is that my best women-friends are definitely NOT like this. Yes they take their relationships seriously, but they are still themselves. They do not have an alternate persona with or without their partners. Were they always like this? I can not say as I haven't known them in their teenage years.
I can't believe how much happier I became in life once I stopped coveting things I could not afford. I don't know how exactly that happened, but I know it was gradual.
I stopped buying fashion magazines, or even magazines with a large-ish proportion of ads. I only go shopping (clothes and non-necessities) when I have extra money specifically for it. Even then, I tend to wait for sales.
When people I know have things I like, I can separate that from myself and my wants versus my needs. I no longer feel jealousy. That was a tough one.
I rarely use beauty products: Lotion when feeling dry, mascara on weekdays, sticky hair stuff every 2 days, shampoo conditioner every 2 days, plain bar soap, dental stuff...Eyeshadow a few times a month.
I feel so YUCKY after two days of 'traditional' consumerism. Seeing things that I [a] don't really need and [b] don't have the money for, for some reason gives me a general sense of inadequacy.
AFTER ONLY 2 DAYS!
I can really see how people get to the point where they feel like they NEED to get those things they covet to feel good about themselves and how after that, they see something else and have to fill that void and the cycle continues. No wonder so many people are in massive debt. All this for the sake of a bloated economy that feeds off of manufactured low self-esteem.
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